


AA: Ashes to Ashes

by Queenie7



Category: Adam Driver - Fandom, Girls (TV), Girls HBO
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:34:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25024756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenie7/pseuds/Queenie7
Summary: You meet Jessa at AA and quickly become friends. She introduces you to her boyfriend, Adam, who it turns out you have a lot in common with. Always a girls’ girl you’ll have to choose between friendship and love.This is my attempt at a slow burn, sorry if it's terrible!Also I do not own any of these characters.
Relationships: Adam Sackler/Reader, Adam Sackler/You, Jessa Johansson/Adam Sackler
Comments: 12
Kudos: 39





	1. Hello My name is...

**Author's Note:**

> Jessa will be in the first few chapters, then be gone, then come back in the last few chapters.

As usual, everyone went around the room introducing themselves and explaining their issues, you instantly regretted being there but it was for the best. While not a typical addict or alcoholic, you had been mixing alcohol and Xanax, even though you knew better. It began as only drinking during social events, then it became drinking every night, then it quickly developed into drinking every night and using Xanax to sleep. Your therapist suggested going to AA groups to talk to others about your problems, and to ‘socialize.’

It was getting harder to resist the urge to drink and pop a few pills. But you did it to yourself. You had insisted on moving yourself to New York City, taking a job that was lower pay and cutting back your own hours to work on your writing. Now you did mostly contract-drafting work, and were just covering your rent, bills, and general expenses. You had to sell some of your clothes to consignment shops, and tutor some high school students for extra cash. But you thought it was worth the risk to follow your dreams. You were saving money by staying in a small studio apartment in East Village, and while it was tiny, it allowed to save some of your earnings. You were working on polishing your first manuscript to send to publishers.

Everyone concludes introducing themselves, including you, then a woman comes in late. She is a blonde with a British accent, and after taking a look around, she may be the only normal one here. Apparently she thinks the same, because she comes over to talk to you after the meeting is over.

“It’s good to not be the only pretty woman in here, and you look relatively normal.” She says and you nod your head in agreement. You say back, “Yeah some of them look like they’ve been rode hard and put away wet.”

“I’m Jessa, wanna not stay here and get hit on by that guy,” She says as she gestures towards a big man standing over to side who’s eyeing you both suspiciously. That could get weird.

That’s how you became friends with Jessa. The two of you would go grab food after each meeting, and she was pretty much an open book. You were surprised and entertained by her life stories, you told her that she should write a book, a memoir. You could tell that she put up a front to hide some inner vulnerability but who didn’t. She would talk about her former friends, then her boyfriend, named Adam, and what an ‘amazing’ connection they had. But you had never once seen him, or heard from him, he was enigma and it made you wonder about their relationship. She also said that he was her friend Hannah’s ex-boyfriend. The whole situation seemed strange to you, and you were suddenly grateful that you didn’t have that drama in your life.

********

In your third week of hanging out, when the two of you went shopping, or more specifically window shopping, she was talking about her last encounter with college. She told you that she did want to be a therapist but then she dropped out of school because it wasn’t for her. You tried to encourage her that there are other ways to help people with their lives that don’t involve school, and there were non-traditional routes.

“I just feel like I could really help other people so much but I’m not cut out for school,” Jessa says as she moves her hands dramatically while speaking. You listen before saying, “You could be a life coach or something, that stuff doesn’t usually require a degree. You just need to know how to sell yourself, find somebody to guide you in the business.”

As you take another bite of your salad, you can see that Jessa is appraising your suggestion. She pulls out a cigarette, then her eyes light up. She gets excited and exclaims, “That is a great idea! I’m so good at making people buy into my bullshit and telling them what to do!”

“Happy to help!” You say, then you start look up the process for how to be a life coach. This was a much-needed distraction from your daily life and your own stress. For some reason, you were much better about giving other people advice than following it on your own, maybe that’s why you became friends with Jessa in the first place.

***********

Then, the following week was the time she took mushrooms, accidentally this time, and called you to pick her up from the party in the Garment District. You were trying to finish the draft of a contract when she called but you considered yourself a girls’ girl and would feel guilty if something happened to her.

Before you knew it, you were making your way there. You find the address from the drop-pin she sent you. As you walked in you noticed that the party’s attendees were the hippy type, dressed in tie dye, with marijuana growing around the place, yet still fashion hippies because they had on designer duds. The apartment was in an eclectic loft, and was filled with people. It didn’t bother you, it was just tightly packed, and was making you feel claustrophobic. You try not to stare at people, just look for Jessa. A couple guys made a few off-hand comments, but you ignored them, looking for your friend. Then your eyes settle on a blonde sitting across the room.

Jessa was sitting in a corner, and you went up to her. You asked her, “Can you walk? This will be a lot easier if you can walk?”

“I can’t feel my legs. Y/N, fuck I have never felt this good.” Is her answer. Her attitude made you instantly wish you would have ignored her phone call. She should have called her boyfriend or one of her friends that wasn’t busy. Frustrated, you pick her up, she stands, and then she takes a step forward. She is mumbling about something, you place her arms over your shoulder and head out, weaving through the crowd. Once outside, you hail a cab, then Jessa decides that she won’t go and stand stubbornly outside. You really don’t have time for this, so your anger boils over.

“Fine, call your damn boyfriend or whoever else you have, because I am done!” You shout, and throw your hands in the air in an act of disgust. You mentally decide to get in the cab and go back to your apartment to resume your work. As you go to step inside the cab, you hear Jessa speak.

“Wait, Y/N, I don’t have anybody else, okay?” Jessa says, and you help get her in the cab and scoot her over so you can get in as well. She’s able to give the driver her address. As soon as you get her up the stairs which was a task in itself and to the door of her apartment, she vomits. You audibly release a sigh and step over it, and started pounding on the door. You remember that she lived with her boyfriend, and she said he should be home. You’ll wake up the whole damn building if that’s what it takes.

“Okay, okay! I hear you, loud fucker!” You heard a man yell before coming to answer the door. Your jaw drops when a man who’s built like a brick house, opens the door standing in his black briefs. He has amber eyes, black, long, wavy hair, amazing pecs, and your eyes can’t help but notice the bulge in the briefs. That must be the Adam, you were certainly not expecting him to look like that, and you feel a blush creep on your cheeks. You shield your eyes and push Jessa towards him.

“What the hell happened to her?” He demands to know from you. You didn’t like the tone, so you inform him, “Jessa went to a party, took mushrooms, and then called me to come get her. I have work to do, so I assume you can take care of her.”

He nodded in agreement, Jessa stumbled into the apartment, and you left. Now you understand why Jessa put up with him treating her like a consolation prize, and why she was willing to betray her friendship with Hannah for him. You didn’t think that you would personally do that, but you could understand it now. You also knew that you would be thinking of your friend’s boyfriend more than you wanted to.

*************************

When you were heading out of the AA meeting today with Jessa, she said that needed to grab something from her apartment first. So you follow her to her apartment, and once inside, you turn around to see Adam sitting on a yellow couch, this time he was fully clothed. Jessa heads further inside to find whatever it is that she was looking for. Adam turns to look at you, and you can feel his gaze burning through you, you decide to ignore it and admire the architecture and space in this apartment. Besides, considering your recent interaction with him, you weren’t sure you could look at him without blushing or checking out his bulge again.

You were happy that you had chosen to wear black skinny jeans, Chelsea boots and a sleeveless white top instead of leggings and an oversized sweatshirt. Adam gets up to stand beside you, and formally introduces himself, saying, “I’m Adam, thanks for taking care of Jessa that night. Sorry I was kind of an asshole.”

“I’m Y/N. It’s no problem.” You say back as your mind goes blank when his eyes meet yours. He continues holding your eyes for some time before asking, “Are you the friend from AA?”

“I am.” You answer, feeling a bit dazed. It must be equally awkward for him to know a lot about someone without actually knowing them. Or maybe he was socially awkward like you. You felt like you knew him already from hearing Jessa’s stories. He then coolly remarks, “You don’t look like an alcoholic or addict to me.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” You fire back. A person can’t just assume who’s an addict, or who’s not.Your brow furrows and your casual smile turns into a scowl. You take back any nice things about him you had thought before. What an asshole, he can’t even know you for five minutes before insulting you.

“Adam, don’t be an asshole,” Jessa chimes in as she strolls back into the room and glares at him. He finds a way to recover and explain himself. He states, “I meant it as a compliment. You look very put together and classy.”

Jessa scoffs at him and eyes him hesitantly, while you chuckle. You suppose that is a twisted compliment, and you’ve been called worse. You then feel the need to explain yourself to him and add, “Yeah well drinking and the Xanax quickly turned from happening occasionally at social events to all the time to numb myself. I got help before I hit rock bottom.”

“Good. Good for you. I started drinking as a teenager and started AA when I was seventeen. Better to catch that shit early.” He says and you listen to him contently, but before the two of you get to talk more, Jessa is rushing out the door, declaring that she’s found whatever she was here for. You shoot him a smile and wave goodbye before following Jessa out. Adam is certainly a curious man and you want to know more about him, even though it’s against your better judgment.

“Adaptations are almost never as good as the original, end of story.” You inform Ray of your opinion. You had just met Ray earlier tonight, and he seemed to be argumentative. You never backed down from a debate, so it made things interesting. You ignored the fact that Jessa wanted to set you up with Ray, he just wasn’t your type. You’re sitting on the yellow couch with Jessa and Ray. Jessa is listening to your argument while she eats yogurt, not bothered at all. Ray thinks for a moment before he makes his next move in this game of argument chess.

“There can be thoughtful adaptations.” Ray declares, taking a drink of his beer. You’re not convinced, so you counter with, “Yes but they generally lose the heart and soul of the original format.”

“Okay well I can see that I’m not going to win this.” Ray finally concedes. Good. Better for him to figure that out now. You take a drink of your water, and snack on some chips. You’ve been set up with worse guys, and as long as Ray takes the hint, maybe the two of you can be friends.

“I agree with Y/N.” Jessa confirms, and Ray just shakes his head. You smile smugly, triumphant that you’ve won the argument. Then, Adam walks through the door, looks surprised to see all of you there, continues heading into the kitchen. He gets a drink from the fridge before joining the group of you on the couch, he points at you and adds, “I agree with her, adaptations are shit!”

You smile at him, and he smiles back. You’re happy he agrees, because if not you would have to seriously question his taste, and put him the group with Ray. From what Jessa’s told you about him, he’s obviously cultured and has good taste, even though he doesn’t outwardly show it and in spite of outward eccentricity. During the movie, Ray heads out to take a phone call while Jessa goes to the restroom, leaving you alone with Adam. And you actually has butterflies in stomach just from being alone with him, you feel like you’re fourteen again. Inwardly scolding yourself for feeling this way, you keep your eyes fixed on the television screen. You don’t know what to say, so you wait for him to make a move. Or who knows, the two of you might sit in weird silence until someone walks back into the room. Luckily, you don’t have to wait long to see how it’s going to go.

“What do you do?” He asks trying to get the conversation started and end the tension in the room. He glances at you, and takes some chips from the bowl.

“I’m an attorney, but I don’t do typical court work. I do the drafting and back work. That gives me flexibility to work on my writing on the side.” You says as you take another drink from your glass, and you notice that you’re each moving towards each other subconsciously. Or consciously, who knows. Adam chuckles, then jokes by saying, “Well I don’t have good luck with writers.”

“Well I don’t have good luck with tall strangers. What do you do? You’re an actor, right?” You say back, not fazed at all by his bad joke, and you see relief wash over him. He cocks a half-smile, you admire his dimples that are now showing. And you mentally control yourself, because you cannot get a crush on your friend’s boyfriend.

“I am an actor.” He says in a drawn out voice, and you can’t tell if he did that intentionally or if he’s just nervous. He definitely doesn’t strike you as a shy, or introverted guy.

“That’s why you have strong opinions on content forms then.” You say and the two of you continue talking about books, poems, movies and music you like. You find out that you and Adam have similar, but not identical tastes. As Ray and Jessa trickle back into the conversation while Adam is asking you about your trivia talents. Adam stuns you and everyone else in the room by saying, “Fuck, you’re the smartest person I’ve ever met.”

“You’re not too bad yourself. Brawn and brain,” You tease back as Adam tries to hide his blush, which you find adorable. You also know that you’re probably blushing too so you move your face to hide it. Then you remember that Jessa is right there and you worry you might have crossed the line. Self-consciously and slowly you scoot back over across to the other side of the couch, leaving plenty of room for Jessa, and you pat the space beside you. Jessa seems unaffected, and it seems you’re being self-conscious for nothing, she sits down. She puts her arm around your shoulder, saying, “Adam’s right. You are insanely smart, and kind. And you have fantastic skin.”

You blush and you can see Adam watching you out of the corner of your eye. Jessa moves in closer to you and starts telling you about the current state of her future life-coaching business. You listen to her as intently as you can but your thoughts wonder to Adam, then you guilt yourself because you know you shouldn’t think of him at all.

*********************

Adam was walking out of Ray’s coffee shop with his typical, normal coffee. None of that fancy new age coffee that so many people drink nowadays. He’s been in a bit of downward spike lately, he knows he needs to audition for more parts and submit some of his writing to directors. He’s working on what he thinks is a lame indie film, but the pay is decent and the director is well-respected so he supposes he should suffer through the script. Though he’s considered walking out several times.

When he’s getting ready to head to the door, he sees Y/N walk in. She waves at him, and he finds himself smiling and waving back at her. She’s wearing a red sheath dress and heels, carrying a huge tote bag. How does she manage to look hot while still looking like a boss? Adam remembers that she’s an attorney so she’s probably way out of his league, and she’s Jessa’s friend. Once she gets her order, she sits a table that’s in the corner near the street, and motions for him to join her since he’s still standing by the door probably looking like an idiot.

He knows he should probably just politely decline her offer, but instead he goes to sit down across from her. He felt a connection with her the other day when they talked about books, and things they were passionate about. Adam thinks he might as well accept he’s hooked on this girl, at least to some degree. After he sits, he asks, “Are you going to work? I don’t want to distract you.”

“I’m mostly editing and listening in on video calls today. What about you? I mean I know actors and artists don’t have a normal schedule but are you working today?” She says as she takes a drink of her coffee and takes her pastry out of the bag.

“I’ve been working on this indie film and it’s very frustrating.” Adam admits before he remembers that he doesn’t really know Y/N that well, and that she probably doesn’t care about his life.

“Is it good for your reputation or at least good pay?” Y/N asks and sounds genuinely interested. Adam thinks back to the intensive conversation that he had with her a few nights ago, and knows that she gets it. She thinks about art, literature, and expression. So he opens up.

“It’s good for both. It’s just everything else about it is a shitshow. And fucking mediocre,” Adam says. Y/N then continues making her point by saying, “Well stick it out for the credit then you can be pickier about your projects.”

“That’s good advice. Thanks.” He tells her and she pulls out her laptop to get to work, when he gathers himself to leave, she stops him. “Company wouldn’t bother me…If you don’t have somewhere else to be.”

Adam sits back down, content to hang around her. He sees that she has a copy of Forster’s short stories and Emile Zola’s _Therese_ _Raquin_ in her bag. He can’t hold back from commenting, after all he does have a comp lit degree. He motions toward them, saying, “Interesting choices. Let me know what you think of them.”

“I like Forster’s description of sexuality and sensuality. This is my first brush with Zola though, so I’ll save my commentary when I’m better read.” She smiles and it looks like her whole face lights up. Adam can’t look away from her.

He barely knows her and yet he feels like he’s known her all of his life. He’s able to talk to her about things that he could never bring up around Jessa, and forgot what it was like to have a real connection to someone. He and Y/N sit there for hours, talking art, writing, and inspirations. He opens up about his past relationships, Y/N already knew that he dated Hannah, who was Jessa’s friend. Adam chose to leave out the part where he went back to Hannah to offer to raise her child with her. He knew how embarrassing it sounded now, and maybe Jessa had already told her that.

She opened up to him about her writing: short stories and children’s books, though she wanted to do more. She told him about how hard it was when she first moved to the city, and about the ex who got her to mix alcohol and Xanax. She talks about her dysfunctional family, and the friends she’s made in the city. When it’s time to go, Adam finds himself following her outside the shop, not wanting to separate from her.

Outside the door, he stops her to ask, “Can we do that again?”

“Sure. That is what friends do.” She says before she heads on her way. Adam’s never really had friends before but he still feels like this was more than friendship.


	2. Chapter 2

Adam listens, or attempts to listen to the current man in the front of the room talking about his battle with gambling addiction and alcoholism. But paying attention is difficult for Adam at the moment because Y/N is sitting beside him, looking perfect, and the smell of her perfume is enough to disorient him. Today she smells like roses, jasmine, and coffee. They’ve hung out a couple times, mostly over coffee, and talked as friends do. Adam found it comforting knowing that he had someone he could talk to, rant to, and spend time with. Of course, Adam never had many friends before, but he assumes those are the hallmarks of friendship. It would much easier if he didn’t want to be more than friends with Y/N, he had to constantly remind himself not to cross that line with her. He didn’t want to lose her as a friend.

His struggle is made worse by the fact that Jessa is sitting on his other side, watching him squirm out of the corner of her eye. Since he’s been hanging out with Y/N and developed feelings for her, he’s thought about ending things with Jessa but he knows there’s a chance that Y/N won’t want anything to do with him anymore if he does that. She might take Jessa’s side. He thinks if he lets Jessa be the one to end it, it may be better for his chances with Y/N or he considers waiting until he knows that Y/N has feelings for him too. In the meantime, things will remain same.

The man finishes talking, and everyone claps for him, including Jessa and Y/N. After the meeting, Y/N and Jessa go the restroom, together, as women normally do, and he goes over the snack table. He scoops some cookies, racing towards the ones he knows are Y/N’s favorites before they’re all taken. As Jessa and Y/N walk up to him, a man stops Y/N and tells her how he was inspired by what she had said at the last meeting. This man keeps touching Y/N’s arm and Adam can’t help but glare, then he finally interrupts them to hand her the cookies.

“Here, I got these for you,” he tells her and the man waves then briskly leaves. Y/N takes the cookies and says, “Thanks, these are my favorites, and I think he’s getting way too attached to me.”

“Oh yes you will have a sober buddy for life,” Adam says back and wants to kick himself for sounding lame. Y/N takes a bite of the cookie and tells him, “I can’t believe you don’t cookies or sweets, you’re like a tall alien.”

“Yes he is. It looks like I’ve found someone else to pawn Bill off on.” Jessa chuckles talking about both Adam and the other man, and she jokingly bumps into Y/N. They keep chatting for some time, then when they walk out of the building, Y/N hugs Jessa then heads the other way. Adam is disappointed that he didn’t get to talk to her more, he must have been looking sad because Jessa questions him, “You do know that doesn’t bother me?”

“What doesn’t bother you?” He asks because he’s not sure he’s understanding Jessa correctly. She watches Y/N walk away and holds his hand before answering, “You hanging out with her. It’s good for you. You need a friend.”

“Thanks,” he says and gives her a slight smile, then they walk back to the apartment as Jessa chatters away but his mind is elsewhere.

*********

Adam waits outside the building, knowing that Y/N will walk out soon. She told him to meet here before they hang out. Apparently she volunteers once a week here and it makes Adam feel like an asshole who doesn’t care about other people. Y/N walks out and Adam greets her.

“Hey, kid.” He makes a mental note to come up with a different nickname for her. She smiles and joins him. Before they make it down the block she stops to say, “I’ve got to stop at my place to take my dog for a walk if you don’t mind.”

He actually likes dogs and has wanted one of his own for a while, though preferably one that would work better than the one he had for a few days before he and Ray had to take him back to his owner. He can’t hide his excitement, “I like dogs, I really like dogs.”

Y/N tucks a piece of hair behind her ear laughing at his response and they keep walking to her place. Adam is surprised to learn that she lives in Nolita, close to where Jessa used to live with Shoshanna. That must have been how they met. When they reach the apartment door, she warns him, “Bagel is still anxious around men. He’s not aggressive or anything, just timid. It might take him a while to warm up to you.”

“Okay, I’ll give him space then,” Adam answers, thinking what the fuck kind of name is Bagel, and as soon as they walk through the door, Adam notices the apartment looks just like he expected it to be. It was very much like Y/N: classy, refined, and a bit eclectic. Books everywhere, comfy couch, candles, and a messy desk. Y/N goes over to the crate to let ‘Bagel’ out, though Adam thought the dog couldn’t have had a more wrong name. Bagel was an Australian shepherd mix who was rather large and had a dark tri-colored, speckled coat, and two different colored eyes. Bagel looks at Adam suspiciously, then follows Y/N back into the apartment kitchen. Y/N comes back with a leash, hooks Bagel up and they leave, though Adam still feels that Bagel is giving the side eye.

They spend a half-hour or so walking around the neighborhood, then they get to a park. After they’ve walked and played which Adam actually enjoyed, Y/N excitedly says, “Oh there’s an ice cream truck, we have to get ice cream!”

“Ick, I don’t like ice cream. It tastes like sweet mucous.” Adam says and tries to hide his disgust. He could suffer through ice cream for her. She doesn’t miss a beat, and isn’t the least bit dismayed by his commentary because she adds, “Good, because I was talking to Bagel anyway.”

He goes with her and she gets two ice cream cones. She’s struggling to eat hers and feed Bagel his at the same time. Adam takes the one that’s meant for Bagel out of her hand and says, “I’ve got it.”

Bagel is hesitant at first then he forgets everything but the ice cream. Y/N smiles watching both of them, and Adam chuckles back watching the dog chow down on what’s left of the cone. Once the ice cream is gone, when they sit down, Bagel is jumping up on Adam, wagging his tail and wanting attention.

“You know I’ve never seen him warm up to anyone like that, especially not a guy.” Y/N says as she works on finishing her cone. Adam says, “The ice cream helped.”

“Are you sure you don’t want a bite?” She teases and offers him her cone. He thinks for a second before taking a lick, then a bite, and somehow it’s more sensual than it should be. He has to think depressing thoughts to keep himself from getting hard. Y/N surely feels it too because her eyes stay locked on his and the tension between them could be cut with a knife. Just as suddenly as the moment happens it ends as Y/N jerks her head away and re-focuses her sight on something else.

She changes the subject by asking him if he ever considered getting his own pet. Truthfully he has, then he’s talked himself out of it. “Yeah but I’m not sure if I’m good at long-term responsibility.” He skirts around the issue.

“You could try getting a succulent.” She says and her eyes light up at the possibility. Meanwhile, Adam is sidetracked by what she said so he asks, “What the fuck is a succulent?”

She laughs for a long time before she explains, “It’s basically the cactus family. You know they don’t need much attention. You could try it, and if it works you could work up to a goldfish.”

“One time I went to Coney Island with Jessa, I won a goldfish and it died before I got it home. I think I shook the bag too much” He tells her, she chuckles again as they start walking back to whatever the next adventure is. She tells him, “So maybe try a few plants first then.”

“I had a goldfish when I was a kid, my sister flushed it to free it or whatever.” He says and the memory still stings. Y/N watches his reaction before saying, “I understand her point but that’s rough. Especially with you being a kid. Was she always like that?”

“Yeah, that’s Caroline. She’s chaotic. One time, when Hannah was trying to mediate between us, she actually had the audacity to suggest that I had repressed sexual feelings or some bullshit for her… that’s what she’s like.” Adam finds himself confessing his life story and all of his family issues in one go with Y/N. She listens to him contently, sometimes chiming in with her own family drama.

“Damn, that’s fucked up. For what’s worth, you don’t seem like that type. That’s something that shouldn’t ever be brought up” Y/N says, trying to comfort him, but Adam finds himself apologizing instead, “Sorry to dump all that shit on you.”

“It’s what friends are for. And, everyone has family issues. Everyone’s family fucks them up in some way.” She says, and Adam’s glad to have her as a friend. Even if he wants more.

************

It was a smothery day in New York, the concrete only made the heat intensified. It was like one of Dante’s rings of hell. You were already wearing a cropped tank top, and linen short-shorts with your hair up. Jessa was wearing a bikini top and shorts, while Adam was wearing a sleeveless shirt and athletic shorts. The three of you were trying to go to a pool, or get down by the water, but it was too crowded. The crowd just made it more miserable. When you walk past a display, you’re drawn to the headline. Apparently, the local theater group is putting on _Antigone_ , one of your favorite plays. You’re too entranced by the flyer to notice that Jessa and Adam have come up beside you.

“You, okay? You just zoned out.” Jessa asks and looks at the flyer. You respond, “Yeah, it’s just one of my favorite plays, I’ll try to make it.”

“ _Antigone_ is a classic.” Adam adds. Then Jessa gestures between you and Adam, then declares, “You two should go together. It’s not really my thing so I’ll sit it out.”

“Do you really wanna go?” Adam asks you after he eyes Jessa suspiciously. You know you must look just as stunned as he does. You liked spending time with Adam, the two have developed your own friendship, but you somehow felt like you crossing a line. After all, he’s your friend’s boyfriend. The same friend who’s now pushing you to hang out with said boyfriend. It was made worse by the growing crush you had on Adam, in fact, the crush was hardly a crush anymore, and it was more like real attraction. But you weren’t _that_ girl you reminded yourself.

“Yeah I do, but you don’t have to go with me.” You say, giving him an opportunity to opt out, also giving Jessa a chance to rethink her offer. Neither of them do. Adam runs his hands through his hair then says, “No, I’ll go. It will be fun.” So much for trying to distance yourself, or being worried about over-stepping your place.

******

Tonight you were going to see _Antigone_ with Adam at one of the theaters near his neighborhood. You were both excited and nervous. You enjoyed spending time with him, and wanted to get know more about him, but you knew the more time you were with, the more you’d fall for him. Also, you didn’t want to seem like the girl who took their friend’s boyfriend. You were wearing a strapless jumpsuit that was airy but didn’t look too casual. Adam knocks at your door, and as soon as you let him in, Bagel runs to him. You still can’t believe how fast he took to Adam, and it makes you think about the saying about dogs judging character.

“Hey, I’ll be ready in just a minute. Do you want something to drink? Non-alcoholic of course.” You say. Adam sits on the couch, Bagel joins him with his tail happily wagging. Adam then answers with, “Can I have a glass of milk?”

“Sure.” You were glad that this was a time when you actually had milk in your kitchen. It was honestly the first time a guest wanted a glass, you take the glass to him, and he swallows it loudly. After you’ve put the finishing touches on your look, you tell him you’re ready. He looks you up and down then tells you, “Y/N you look hot…”

“Thanks,” you blush, you’re totally unprepared for his next comment. But you had been around him enough you should have expected it by now. You knew he had a filthy mouth, and was open about those kind of things.

“You trying to get fucked tonight?” You struggle to find a good comeback at first, you eventually settle on, “No, that’s none of your business anyway. But what if I am?”

Before he has a chance to comment back and make you more flustered than you already are, you open the door, motioning for him to walk out. You then put Bagel in his crate and join Adam to head on your way to the theater. It was going to be a long, and potentially frustrating night, judging by how bothered you are.

You and Adam are walking back from the play, chattering about how great the performance was, when you feel something fly in your hair. You try to act cool and get it out, then whatever it is just gets more stuck. Adam at first laughs at your struggle, then his hand is on yours, trying to work whatever it is out of your hair. You notice it’s some kind of bug and you screech.

“Calm down, tiger.” He says and you stand still while he frees whatever creature is trapped in your hair. He brushes your hair behind your ear and your eyes lock onto his. It’s incredibly simple yet intimate and you feel your heart pounding in your chest. You want to kiss him but you know you can’t.

“Did you just call me tiger?” you ask to distract from the sexual tension that’s growing between you. You also never really had any nicknames either so the fact that Adam came up with one for you made you happy.

“Yep, you’re always wear that tiger’s eye thing bracelet.” He says as he backs away to give you space again. His finger reaches for the bracelet, barely tracing the skin of your wrist, and now that’s the only thing you can think about. You force your thoughts back to the bracelet: you’ve had it for a few years and you wear it daily.

“You noticed?” Adam nods his head in response. You then fidget with the bracelet, your hand brushing against his, and tell him, “It’s supposed to bring good fortune, invoke the divine, and offer protection.”

“Has it actually done any of those things?” He asks, and you notice how close his face is to yours. You can feel his breath on your cheek, count every freckle on his face, and you can’t help but notice that his eyes resemble the color of the tiger’s eye.

“I think it has.” The two of you then continue on your way, both avoiding eye contact and putting a few feet between you. It wasn’t as if you had crossed the line, but you were certainly dancing around it.

********

Adam came back to the apartment after a particularly bad day on set, and it already seems that Jessa is in some kind mood. She’s waiting on the couch, her posture tense, so he breezes by her to get to the kitchen. As he pours himself a glass of milk, Jessa pounces. Her mouth latches on to his neck while her hand reaches for his dick. He’s caught so off-guard that he moves away, and that was clearly the wrong response. He’s always pissing her off anymore anyway. Adam’s starting to think that Jessa’s waiting for him to fuck up in some way that she can use a pretext for an argument.

“What the hell is going on with you? We barely talk, we hardly fuck anymore, and you totally moved away from me!” Jessa shouts at him. He knows he’s been zoned out, but he’s busy with his career and his relationship with Jessa is becoming a burden. Was there any easy way to tell her that the relationship felt like an unnecessary strain on him, or that he’s falling for her friend? He decides not to, and he answers back with, “I’m busy, I’m fucking stressed when I come home. Then as soon as I come home, you wait for me to do something then pounce!”

“It’s like you don’t even notice me anymore!” Jessa screams back at him, and he’s tuning her out. Same old, same old. How he doesn’t listen to her, pay attention to her, or fuck her like he used to. As he continues with his glass of milk, no longer arguing back with her, she disappears into the bedroom. She soon comes back out with a bag and tells him, “I’m leaving for a while, if you fucking care at all!”

*****

The desk in your apartment is full of paper work, you can hardly see your laptop, and you finally removed the coffee mug and glass of water from the danger zone. Bagel watches you apprehensively from the couch as you get up to stretch a bit. You have to finish this draft then you’re going to an art gallery and out with some friends. You’re not able to go out like you used to since you have to remain sober, but you still need to de-stress. You’re suddenly alerted by the buzz in your apartment.

The person on the other side is Jessa, asking if she can come in. Once inside, she crashes on your couch like it’s hers and Bagel seems unbothered by her.

“What’s up?” You rummage on your desk, even more conscious about the fact that it’s a disaster now that someone’s here. As she grabs your Roku remote she tells you, “Adam and I had a fight again. It’s like he doesn’t even see me anymore.”

“I’m sorry that sucks. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want. I’m going to be working then going out.” You get back to working on your draft, while Jessa tells you about her fight with Adam, asking for your thoughts. Talking actually helps you work sometime because silence allows your mind to wander.

After you complete the draft, you hop in the shower, and sit at your vanity doing your hair and makeup. Jessa is perched on your bed, chatting away as you tell her about your friends and she tells you about hers. The one she talks about the most is Hannah, you don’t even know Hannah but you’re exhausted and irritated by her.

“Are you worried about going out tonight? Being around alcohol again?” Jessa asks and you answer honestly.

“I’m nervous about it but as long as I don’t drink anything, I’ll be fine. The long-term goal is to be able to socially drink again.”

“Sobriety sucks. It’s definitely the harder path.” She shares the sentiment, then someone else is buzzing in. None of your friends are supposed to coming here, you’re all supposed to meet up somewhere, and you have no online shopping packages coming today.

It’s Adam, _shit_ , you think. Jessa and Adam, who are fighting in your apartment, this was going to be interesting. Adam strolls in like he owns the place then is stunned when he sees Jessa standing there.

“What are you doing here?” he asks her and she asks him the same thing.

“I’m here visiting my friend, what’s your excuse?” She says combatively, crossing her arms.

“Both of you need to talk about your problems.” You say and hope they’ll try to listen. You really need to get going.

“Okay, well Adam doesn’t seem to care about me at all anymore.” Jessa says and you decide to keep playing mediator. Calmly you place yourself in the middle of them “Thanks for sharing your feelings, Jessa. Adam, what do you need to talk about?”

“I’m busy and I don’t want to talk all the time, sorry I take my damn job seriously!” He shouts, throwing his arms in the air.

“Okay, well I tried. I need to get going, so don’t trash the place and lock up when you leave.” You say as you quickly head towards the door, you’re already ten minutes. You seriously wondered what Adam was doing with Jessa, and what the two of them were doing holding to their relationship that was pretty clearly a disaster. You could really use a drink right now.


	3. Chapter 3

It was starting to rain, that was just perfect, just what you needed. You were planning a move to Brooklyn and were supposed to be apartment hunting today. The rain was going to make it a miserable endeavor. You put on a light-weight dress shirt, short shorts and ankle height rain boots. As you head out of your apartment building, you see Adam hurdled under the awning. Of course he’s here.

“What’s up, tiger?” He asks as he changes his stance so he’s leaning coolly against the brick siding. How does his hair still look good in this rain? His hair still looks perfect, not frizzy at all from the rain and humidity, it’s not fair. Adam’s making it impossible to remain ‘just friends.’ Though Jessa was getting more and more distant from each of your minds, and you wonder what you could have with Adam if you’d met him some other way, or if he and Jessa broke up what you could have. You silence your traitorous thoughts, and respond to Adam’s comment.

“You stalking me now?” You ask with a smug smile.

“You know you’d love it if I was.” He says with a cocky smile, as you head down your street, he asks what you’re doing today. Because Adam has more flexibility in his schedule, which you don’t even ask why anymore, it’s an Adam thing, he comes along with you to whatever adventures you have planned. He asks what the plans are for today, so you inform of what your plans are while you open your umbrella to protect you from the drizzle.

“I have to go look at apartments in your part of town,” He hunches down under your umbrella, the height difference between you two yet again apparent. The way he’s crouched down, you’re surrounded by him: heat, and muscle. It would be easy for you to cuddle into him, but you do your best to resist that urge.

“Oh really are you finally leaving Manhattan?” He questions you, leaning further into your personal space. You jokingly tell him the truth, “The people here are too pretentious and elitist. I can’t take it anymore”

“Here I thought you fit in just fine.” Adam says not showing a fraction of any kind of emotion. As hit suddenly hits you what he meant, you turn to slap at his arm, acting offended. He suddenly starts laughing, one of his loud, head rolling laughs.

“Haha, thanks asshole. Now I’ll be going.” You say as you turn on your heels to walk away from him. Then you feel a large warm hand on your shoulder turning you back around. Adam offers his arm to you and says, “I’ll go with you, I won’t let anyone fuck you over.”

You link your arm through his and he grabs the umbrella so he’s now properly holding over both of you. As you walk, you tell him where you’re looking, and he has preferences. He’s made it clear that he’d like for you to live in Park Slope, which is conveniently close to his place in Prospect Heights. Guess you’ll work that out.

After touring several apartments throughout Brooklyn, you think you’ve found the one you want. Apartment hunting with Adam was entertaining seeing as he checked all the piping, picked apart most of them. He was adamant that several of them were over-priced and told you that he ‘wouldn’t let someone fuck you over on the price.’

This one was a nice, clean apartment in Clinton Hill and had good amenities. You loved the look of the outside of the building: classic style but had be updated to give it a chicer feel. Adam wasn’t a fan, but he accepted your decision with little rumbling. Now you were sitting down in the office of the landlord while he was working on the lease.

When he hands you the lease, he comments, “You know we have several couples that live here, you’ll fit right in.”

You’re shocked by his comment, even if he meant nothing by it. You’re blushing even though you wish you weren’t. Adam meanwhile was beaming, clearly enjoying the fact the man mistook you for a couple. He shouldn’t be feeling that way you thought, he was dating your friend, maybe this was getting out of control. You set the record straight to your new landlord.

“Wait, we’re not a couple” Your landlord doesn’t verbally respond, he just raises his eyebrows before talking to you about the lease.

****

Adam can feel the sweat dripping down his back, but he supposes that was job being the muscles of the excursion. He was helping Y/N move into her new apartment, and finished unloading all of the large furniture. Now, it was just unpacking. Jessa was there too, but she was directing the unloading as opposed to helping. Adam wishes Jessa wasn’t here, because then he could imagine that he and Y/N were both moving in here, or imagine that he was her boyfriend helping her move. Jessa was ruining his fantasy and he knew he needed to grow a pair of balls and break up with her.

As Y/N is setting up her tv and wifi box, Jessa moves towards the door looking at her phone. Jessa then announces, “I’m going to head out, I forgot that I’m supposed to have dinner with my sister Minnie.”

Adam knows that is total bullshit, an obvious lie. But if he gets time alone with Y/N then he supposes he can ignore the fact that his girlfriend is lying again. Y/N just turns her head towards Jessa and says, “Okay, thanks for helping. Bye.” Then she gets back to work. She’s wearing a cropped tank top and bicycle shorts that show off her toned legs and perfect ass. He can’t help but find himself distracted by how tantalizing she looks, he knows he’ll have to do something or he might not be able to control himself. He ends up sitting down on the floor next to her to help, and Bagel decides to come over and lay his head in Adam’s lap.

Adam helped Y/N unpack a lot of the big things and hook up some of the new electronics. They chitter-chattered and it felt natural, like this was the way things were supposed to be. Now, she had talked him into watching Hamilton, and he was trying to not ruin it for her. Though to be fair, once again he wasn’t able to pay attention to what he was supposed to be watching, because he was watching her instead.

Finally, he groans, stretches on her couch then says, “Fuck this is overrated. I mean it’s good but it’s not flawless like everyone says.”

“Adam, hush. I guess I can’t make you have taste.” She says and faces him. Now, he’s hyper-aware of how close they are. His forearm is touching her, and the outsides of their thighs are touching. The way she’s looking at him is making him think only of kissing her. Before he knows it, he’s leaning his head into hers, now just inches away, and she’s not pulling back.

“Maybe I already do have taste.” He tells her as her eyes watch him, waiting for the next move. Then he’s closing the last few inches separating them, but halts to let her make the final move. She does and closes the distance between them. Her lips on his, latching onto his bottom lip before moving again to the top lip. His hands go to her waist and hers go around his neck, twining through the edges of his hair. Adam deepens the kiss by breaking apart to bite her lip gently, when she gasps, his tongue enters her mouth. His tongue tastes every inch of her mouth he can reach, and it feels like they’re devouring each other.

She moves so she’ practically sitting on his lap, and he holds her closer. His hands move down to feel the curve of her hips, then go to squeeze her ass. She moans into his mouth and presses herself further into his hand. He thinks, _she_ _likes_ _that_ , he’ll be sure to remember that. His other hands moves up to cup her breast, and it feels even better in his hand than he imagined it would. This gets a similar response from her, and her hips begin to grind into his growing erection. They stay like this for several moments, refusing to break apart, and it’s looking like they’re going to end up fucking on this couch.

Then, his phone starts ringing loudly ending the spell that’s come over them. Y/N quickly removes herself from him, and looks guilty for what happened. Adam sits there stunned before accepting that the moment is over and he checks his phone. _Fucking_ _piece_ _of_ _shit_ , he thinks as he then throws it down on the floor.

“Fuck, we did not just do that. We are going to forget this ever happened.” Panic has clearly over taken Y/N. She definitely was reciprocating, Adam thinks she must feel the same way. But she’s too good of a friend, too ethical to let their dilemma turn into something more.

“I don’t want to forget about it. You’re all I think about it.” He tells her. This sets something off in her because he sees her eyes flash before she snaps back with, “Well I am not going to be the other woman or the kind of girl who steals my friend’s boyfriend.”

“You’re not either of those things. Things have been over with Jessa for a long time. It’s not real what I feel for her. I’ll break up with her, I would have sooner if I knew I stood a chance. ”Adam says, confessing about he really feels about her and his current ‘relationship.’ She stands up and starts pacing, a nervous of habit of hers he’s learned. He gets up too and lightly places his hands on her shoulders, trying to calm her down without being too intimate and making her uncomfortable.

No, no. Because then she will know something happened.” She points her finger at him to emphasize her point. This is definitely not going the way Adam hoped it would. After his disastrous relationship history, he never thought he could have something like he has with Y/N, even though they’re not really together.

“Wouldn’t that be the point? I don’t want to pretend and bullshit anymore.” Adam says failing to keep his voice down. This whole situation is so frustrating that he could break something or pull his own hair out.

“You’re going to have to. Please don’t tell her.” Y/N snaps back at him and continues her pacing.

“Only for you. You’re making this worse than it is. I don’t have a real relationship with her anymore, we, us, have a real relationship—“ He gestures between them when he says ‘we’ and he wishes he could make her understand or somehow jump ahead in time when they’ve gotten past this. She doesn’t let him finish his statement before cutting him off.

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence! You went from Hannah to Jessa, who was Hannah's friend and now to me, who is Jessa's friend. Am I just some other woman in your string of bad decisions?” She shouts, and he can see in her eyes that she’s not sure how he feels or how she feels for that matter. Adam lets his temper get the best of him as he shouts back.

“Is that what you really fucking think of me?!” He tugs at his hair, and feels his anger continue to rise.

“What am I supposed to think? Am I supposed to think about how you’re my friend’s boyfriend! She shouts back at him, and that’s it for him. Adam goes out the door, slamming it on the way out. He’s furious, how could this go so badly after all they’ve been through together? This was supposed to be different, but maybe he was doomed to be in the same toxic cycle for the rest of his life.

**********

It had been two weeks since your encounter with Adam and he had since been radio silent. You assumed he was trying to give you space, and you wanted to give it time for things to cool off. Your feelings for him were uncontrollable and could be dangerous. You were a girl’s girl, you weren’t the kind of girl to steal another’s boyfriend, especially not one you called a friend. But with Adam, you could feel yourself letting go and only wanting to be with him. You also hadn’t heard from Jessa in two weeks either. You wonder if Adam confessed to her what happened and that was why she was ghosting you. You had desperately left her voicemails and texts just wanting to know that she was okay, and still nothing. Now, you were giving up.

When you’re walking out of the café, you see Jessa, looking like her typical bohemian self. She spots you and waves, you wave back out of politeness but go about your business. Jessa comes up to you, and starts a conversation.

“Hey, Y/N it’s been a while. How are you?”

“Good, great actually.” You curtly respond, trying to get away from her. At this point, you don’t even care enough to ask how she is, because she’s here and obviously okay.

“Can we talk like we used to?” Jessa asks, and it set you off. You find yourself pointing a finger at her.

“Are you fucking serious, you don’t respond back at all not even to let me know you’re alive and you want to act like nothing happened?” You accuse her. Everyone had shit going on in their lives but you don’t fall off the face of the earth knowing that someone is worried about you.

“I know I’m a shit person but please?” Jessa whines.

“I have a half-hour before I have to head towards my next meeting.” You say and sit down at a small table. She accepts and sits down across from you. Soon, she’s sharing the whole backstory of her relationship with Adam, and she tells you that he went back to her to help her raise her baby. That really surprises you, both she and Adam had conveniently left that part out until now. Suddenly their relationship made a lot more sense knowing that information.

“Wait, when did this happen with Hannah and her baby?”

“It was right before we met, so three months ago. He hasn’t been the same, and I miss Hannah. My friendship with Hannah was the biggest relationship of my life and I gave it up for him, and he doesn’t even fucking care.” Jessa says as she lights a cigarette.

“You’re not going to like what I have to say.” You caution, praying that she will accept that, and be content with venting to you. Considering what happened and how you felt about Adam, you really didn’t want to get in the middle of their relationship again.

“Say it, you’re always honest. That’s what I like about you.” Jessa tells you and waits for you to share your opinion.

“Sounds toxic. You’re his second choice, a consolation prize because he couldn’t get Hannah back. I think you know that but you’re afraid to let him go because you gave up Hannah for him and you’ve never felt love before.” You say and watch her reaction, because you know she will be pissed.

“You’re a fucking bitch,” she spits out and takes a huff from her cigarette. You knew she wouldn’t like what you had to say. She then softens her face before saying, “But you’re right. Have you thought about being a therapist?”

“No, not my thing. I just listen. I think you have to choose. Either keep this détente with Adam until one of you breaks, or end it and try to repair your friendship with Hannah. You already know this, I think you just needed someone else to tell it to you.” You say, and she gives you a big hug before she leaves.

You head back on your way, now that you’ve got that detour out of the way. Jessa probably wouldn’t follow your advice but as her friend you felt like you had to tell her the truth. Your phone buzzes and when you check it, you have a new voicemail from Adam. You delete it and continue on your way. You could never pursue something with him, so what was the point of continuing the friendship, or whatever you had with him.

*********

Adam sits at the table reading his latest script. It had been four months since he had come back from Hannah and two weeks since his last encounter with Y/N. Y/N hadn’t contacted him and he didn’t contact her either, trying to give her space. He expected to Jessa to bail out of their relationship soon, and he thinks that even she’s began to accept that it won’t last. Really he should have definitively ended it when he came back from Hannah that night, but Jessa let him go back to Hannah, and still accepted him back when it failed. Then he should have ended it after he kissed Y/N but he didn’t want Jessa put the blame on her, and he respected Y/N too much to do that to her. There’s a part of him that thinks it would seem ungrateful and cruel for him to end things with Jessa now. Though, he still might have to if she didn’t leave him soon because he knew he couldn’t stay away from Y/N for long. He was wallowing in his own misery now.

He was thinking of Y/N more than ever, and what could have been. He was missing her friendship too and would be willing to accept just being friends with her. Adam had never had a lot of friends in his life, but Y/N was a good friend who was willing to listen to him, and they had so much in common. Two weeks without her was enough for him. He pulls out his phone and clicks on Y/N/s contact and leaves a voicemail.

“Hey Y/N, this is Adam. Adam Sackler. I was wondering if we could talk again.”

Adam hears Jessa come into the apartment, and she walks in to stand beside him where he’s sitting at the table. She then decides to sit before proceeding. She gently grabs his hand and tells him, “Adam, this isn’t working. We’re not working.”

‘Uh-huh. What makes you say this now?” He nods his head in agreement. Out of all things he thought Jessa would bring up, he was not expecting that.

“Look, I held on because I was afraid to lose you, but we’re toxic for each other, and I’m your second choice. I deserve to be with someone’s fucking first choice, Adam. And, you should be with someone who’s your first choice.”

“I agree.” Adam says after swallowing and clearing his throat. Jessa wasn’t expecting that statement because shock is on her face when she asks, “What do you mean you agree?”

“I feel the same way. I have for a while, but I didn’t know how to tell you and I didn’t want to hurt you. You saying that is a relief, what made you realize it?” He admits.

“I knew things weren’t right between us, and they haven’t been in a long time. Then I ran into Y/N today and she makes me think rationally.” She says as she packs her things quickly. Adam doesn’t want to push her, so he sits quietly at the table. Jessa then comes back through with packed bag, which she sets down by the door.

“We don’t have many couples’ friends but I know that you and Y/N got close. I get to keep Y/N. Your friendship with her was nice, but to clarify, she is my friend.” Jessa says with her undertones clear, Adam now knows that she knew how felt about Y/N or at least suspected it.

“What? Fuck no, you two don’t even have anything in common.” Adam says feeling his temper flare up. Jessa was just downright infuriating sometimes.

“Yeah well, she was my friend first so back off!” Jessa screams back at him.

“You can stay friends with her for all I care because it’s not going to stop me!” Adam shouts defiantly. A look of realization flashes across Jessa’s face as she asks, “Wait, you really do like her?”

“Of course I like her, she’s my--” Adam roars back, but Jessa cuts him off before he gets to complete the sentence. He’s glad he catches himself before he gives too much away.

“You like like her? You do want to fuck her, or have you already?! Don’t you fucking dare! She is my friend and she probably wouldn’t do that anyway because she has fucking morals! But don’t fuck my friend, Adam!” Jessa screams at him, and puts her finger in his face. He definitely won’t be missing their fights.

“No I didn’t fuck her, but I definitely wanted to! I still want to, she understands me in a way you never have. But of course she was a friend of yours so she wouldn’t!” He finds himself yelling before he processes what he’s saying. Adam only wants to cut Jessa to the core. After the words are out of his mouth, he realizes what happened.

“You are un-fucking-believable. I’m going to visit Hannah, in case you care, seems she was my only real friend all along.” Jessa says before heading towards the door.

Adam puts his hands up in defeat, because he’s not going to make promises he can’t keep. He also doesn’t want to push Jessa, fearing that she’ll run to Y/N and turn her against him before he really has a chance to talk to her. Jessa grabs her bag and leaves.

Adam takes this as his chance to leave too. He can’t help but end up at Y/N’s doorstep, waiting for her.

***********

It was 10 pm and you had been up since 5:30. You were definitely about to crash, but luckily you were close to your apartment, just a block away. You walk casually, then you see someone sitting on the doorstep of your building. As you get closer, you notice that the person is a man, and man who looks like Adam. You think you must really be into him to the point that you think you’re seeing him everywhere.

Shit you think when you get close enough to realize that it is him. The guard at the gate must have let him in because he’s been over here so often. He looks amazing, like he always does. He’s wearing a tight-fitting t-shirt that shows off his arms and his muscular chest. While you try to figure out what to say, Adam begins by saying, “Hey, Y/N. you didn’t respond to my voicemail, so here I am.”

“Well, Jessa’s not here. I have no idea where she is.” You say and you shift your weight to your other foot. You stand a few feet away from where’s now standing on your stoop.

“I know, we broke up. She left.” Adam states. You can’t believe that Jessa actually listened to you. Though you’re now worried that you’re his third choice, since he showed up here right after she broke up with him. You’re not going to say that out loud so instead you inquire, “Then what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you.” He says and you know you’re doomed. You grab your keys and move past him to the door, not acknowledging his confession. Then, your heart over rides your head and you gesture for him to follow you inside. He obliges, stepping behind you and the two of you walk up the stairs to your apartment with tension laying heavy in the air.


	4. Chapter 4

The two of you walk in silence up the staircase to your apartment, it’s obvious that neither of you know what to say. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t happy that he and Jessa broke up, and that he came back to you in a way. You’d missed his company, his friendship, and you missed him. You’d also be lying if you said you didn’t have feelings for him, he made you feel like your whole world was spinning but in a good way. Once inside your apartment, Bagel practically leaped into Adam’s arms, and he even made high pitch, happy noises that you’d never seen him do before. Adam holds him and pets his head, saying, “I missed you too, buddy.”

The scene warmed your heart even though you were planning on being ice cold with Adam. You offer him a drink and he asks for his typical: a glass of milk. You make yourself a cup of coffee and bring him his glass. You settle into one side of the couch and he remains on the other side, but Bagel crowds in between you, with his head on Adam’s lap. You decide to break the ice and make small talk.

“Did you finally finish the film?” You ask and he turns to make eye contact with you. He takes a drink of milk before answering.

“I am, I’m want to go back to theater. How’s work and the writing?” You can tell his nervous because he keeps bouncing his leg.

“It’s busy. Between the contracts and my book, it’s been exhausting.” You take a drink of your coffee and end up turning your body so you’re angled towards him.

“That’s good. Did you send it to the publisher yet?” He mimics your posture and is now turned to face you. Somehow, the space between the two of you on the couch has dissipated.

“Yeah…” The two of you continued to catch up with what happened in each of your lives over the past two weeks. You chatted about everything, like always, but there was a huge elephant in the room. Strangely, he seemed to avoid the topic as much as you were. Neither of you wanted to talk about what his break up with Jessa meant for the two of you.

You’re feeling overwhelmed by the situation: you had had a long day, ran into Jessa, then Adam showed up on your doorstep saying that he and Jessa broke up. Now, you had to deal with your feelings for him, and you couldn’t ignore them. His eyes are burning through you and there’s a part of you that wants to jump on him right now. Instead, you force yourself to ask the question that you’ve been avoiding since you came home.

“What do you want?” You really just want to go to bed and sleep for the next few days. You’re suddenly jealous of Bagel, who’s contently napping laying across Adam’s lap. If you were able to shut your moral conscious, maybe you could be snuggled into his arms.

“I guess I want what we had.” Adam answers. You weren’t expecting that answer.

“So just friendship?” You stand up to stretch, and take the glasses to the kitchen as you await his answer. You’re standing in front of him, and he goes to reach to you to pull you closer then he resists.

“Yeah I can talk to you about everything.” He eventually confesses. His eyes are passionate but you can tell that he’s watching for your reaction, for permission. He gives you a crooked smile and you can see his dimple, which you find adorable. You tell him, “Look, I’m going to bed. I am exhausted.”

Adam doesn’t move, he does the opposite he settles into the couch and stretches his legs out. You ignore that and continue on your nightly routine: take your meds, showering, skin and hair care routines. When you’ve finished, you peak out of your bathroom to see that Adam’s still crashed on the couch, and he’s snoring. Of course you could wake him but you decide not to. You crawl into your bed, and you’re asleep before you know it.

******

Adam wakes up sweating and tries to nuzzle into whatever warm body is snuggled into his. He hopes its Y/N, after all she did let him stay the night, and he and Jessa were now broken so any relationship with Y/N was no longer off-limits. Then his bubble is burst when he realizes that the warm body he’s cozied up to is Bagel, not Y/N, and he’s about one slight movement from rolling off the couch.

He gets up and goes to look for Y/N, after peaking in her bedroom he finds that she’s still sound asleep. Bagel however doesn’t seemed bothered by this develop as he nudges the door opened with his nose and continued into the room, eventually joining Y/N in bed. Adam decides to make himself useful so he starts making breakfast, but then he notices that Y/N doesn’t really have any food in her apartment other the basics. He remembers that she doesn’t really cook so that makes sense, he then heads out to pick them up something.

After grabbing some breakfast dishes including egg casserole, bacon bagels, and muffins he returns. He sets up the table and is working on the Keurig, which is not being tolerable. He lets out a stream of curses when he hears, “What did my Keurig ever do to you?”

Y/N walks into the kitchen with Bagel trailing behind. She casually walks up to him, hits a button then turns to look at the table. Adam tells her, “I was going to make you breakfast but that didn’t work then I just brought some things.”

“I can see that. It looks good. Did you sleep on the couch all night?” She asks as she stretches like a cat. Adam can’t help but stare at her tits which are now pressed out and her nipples are showing, and he’s never wanted to caress them and kiss them more than he does right now. Then he forces his eyes away though they now check out her legs which are on full display since the stretch pulled her pajama shorts up. Y/N ignores his looks of lust and grabs a cup of coffee, grabs a plate and starts delving into the breakfast he brought. She gestures at him to join her and he does.

Not long after they’ve ate the breakfast, Y/N dives into the deep questions that Adam would prefer to not talk about. He was enjoying their domestic bliss, which allowed him to fantasize what life together would be like.

“Why didn’t you tell me the whole truth about Hannah?” She asks staring at him over her coffee mug. Once she takes another drink, she bites her lip and it makes his brain short-circuit. He lets out an exaggerated sigh and punches at his thighs in frustration before he answers.

“Because it’s embarrassing. I should have known it wouldn’t work and I was afraid of what you’d think.” Adam eyes the anything else in the room to avoid her gaze. When he does He can tell that she’s surprised by that answer because she furrows her eyebrows and pauses before asking her next question.

“Why’d you go back to her?” Adam knows damn well the reason he went back to Hannah but it makes him sound weak, needy, and naïve. And Y/N is Jessa’s friend so he knows that admitting the truth to her could be a huge risk. But he cares about Y/N in a way that he never did about Hannah, Jessa, or anyone else he can remember, Y/N is his friend.

“I just wanted to feel something real again, then Hannah and I realized it was really over and I went home to find Jessa there.” Bagel is resting his head on Adam’s thigh and Adam strokes his head to comfort himself from whatever explosive reaction he’s sure Y/N will have.

“And you accepted it because?” She asks. She doesn’t look mad or concerned, just curious.

“How was I supposed to break up with Jessa after she accepted that I left her for someone else with zero consequences?” She nods her head in response and they sit in silence for some time.

*****

It was your day off, you had a peaceful sleep the night before and woke up to find Adam still in your apartment but with breakfast. You had talked this morning about some things you didn’t have the energy to talk about last night and currently you had finished up a run around the neighborhood. It was amusing to say the least: Adam was shirtless wearing shorter shorts and had a hair tie in his hair to hold it back.

As you cross the street, a car almost hits you. You jump back suddenly and you can feel your heartrate spike. Adam, is furious and starts banging on the hood of the car, screaming at the driver, “WATCH WHERE THE FUCK YOU”RE GOING!! YOU ABOUT HIT A WOMAN, ASSHOLE!!”

You gently tug on his arm and urge him to continue crossing the street. Once safely across, you can tell that he’s still agitated so you put your arm around his waist. When he turns to face you, you ask him, “Are alright now? That guy was just an idiot.”

“Mmhmm. But he could have hurt you, what a fucking asshole!” He’s getting flustered all over again but he shakes his head agreeing with you. Adam snakes his arm around your shoulder and you allow it because it feels so nice, just the way you always thought it would. He’s even a little sweaty but so are you, and it doesn’t seem to bother either one of you.

After walking like that for a block, you eventually convince yourself to move away. You instantly regret it, but you know that you can’t cross a line with him, because now he’s your friend’s ex. You’re not sure which is worse: when he was your friend’s boyfriend or now when he’s her ex. This was a losing situation. You decided you’d be friends with him until he lost interest and moved on to his next woman or went back to Jessa.

“Wait, I want to go in here.” You say as you notice that you’re walking passed a vintage, eclectic furniture shop. Adam groans and tries to keep moving. You ignore him and keep on walking into the store. He stands outside and shouts, “I’ll wait out here, kid.”

“Kid” was a new nickname, you thought “tiger” was your established nickname. You’d have to ask him about the new term of endearment.

******

Adam knows Y/N shares his feelings and wants him too but is too stubborn to admit it. Then, because she’s a good person and a good friend she worries about hurting Jessa. Her compassion and empathy were two of his favorite things about her, but right now they were his enemy. She made him feel truly happy, and whole in a way that he thought he never could be. This situation meant he had only really had one option: stick around Y/N until she was ready to explore their relationship. He’d just have to wait it out, he was sure that eventually she’d realize what they had and that Jessa was a shitty friend.

Currently, he was waiting for her outside her apartment building. That’d been close enough that he knew he her routine and he knew that she would be taking Bagel for his morning walk soon. She hadn’t responded to his texts, he wanted to know she was ignoring him and to make sure she was okay. Soon, he spots her walking out of the building with Bagel walking beside her. Bagel barks at him and tries to run to him. Y/N was wearing a hooded t-shirt, skort-type thing, and sneakers. All Adam could notice was her legs, and how her outfit snugly fit her hips and ass. He’s distracted for a moment and he’s shocked when she asks, “Why are you here?”

“To see you, you didn’t respond to my texts. We are friends, aren’t we?” He asks as he bends over to pet Bagel who’s more than happy to see him. Bagel’s human is not as happy to see Adam, she crosses her arms at him before she curtly asks,

“You’re honestly here because we’re friends?” Her hands are her hips now, her eyebrows are raised, and she’s clearly not buying the ‘just friends’ thing either, that works in his favor. He stands up and tilts his head down to look at her when he tells her his feelings.

“You and I both know it’s more than that. I like you, I have for a long time and I think you like me too.” Adam always talks with his hands and his whole body. He hopes to make her confess her feelings.

“Suppose that’s true, nothing could ever come from it.” She says and tries to keep walking. He was not expecting that response. He quickly follows after her.

“Why the fuck not? Are you saying that you do want something more?” Now, he is confused. He thought that she’d admit that she wants him too and they’d be together, end of story. But apparently she wanted to punish herself and him. She lets out a huffy sigh before she answers.

“It could never happen even if I do because I’m Jessa’s friend and I don’t do that to my friends. I know we already crossed a line when we kissed, and I can’t change the past, but I can stop the betrayal from being worse.” She says matter-of-factly. Her eyes bore into his but she waivers on the last words and forces her eyes away from gaze.

“Believe me, if it was reversed, Jessa wouldn’t give a shit. She’s a shit friend. She dated me even thought I was Hannah’s ex…besides Hannah’s the only friend Jessa cares about.” Adam likes Y/N’s sense of loyalty but her loyalty to Jessa is misplaced, surely she must know this.

“I don’t give a shit what Jessa would do. I’m not Jessa and if you think I’m anything like her, then you know absolutely nothing about me.” She huffs at him, points her finger at him, and stands on her tiptoes so her face is closer to his. He never meant to compare her to Jessa, he knew damn well they were nothing alike.

“I do know you. Better than you think. And you know me. I’m not just going to let you push me away.” He tells her and his hand goes to her forearm. She doesn’t move away, she looks at his hand then trails her eyes back to his face. Her eyes are soft then they swiftly harden.

“Fine. I have to finish a contract today, then meet with an illustrator. You can hang out, but if you try any funny business, I’m out.” She asserts, and he smiles at her attitude.

“I can control myself if you can.” He chuckles and strikes his most innocent look, it makes her laugh. This is a start, he thinks, it’s only a matter of time. He rushed into his other relationships, he’d learn from them, and now he was willing to go slow with Y/N.

“Let’s try to go back to what we were before.” She says as they continue walking and going about their day.


	5. Chapter 5

Adam was contently sitting at the table with Y/N, her friends and Bagel, who was happily resting his head on Adam’s thigh. Y/N had invited him to have lunch with her friends, normally he would have avoided such socialization but he was willing to try to make Y/N happy. He liked that she was introducing him to important people in her life, which meant that she was at least contemplating the possibility of them being a couple. And she had her arm stretched on the back of his chair, with her body angled into him. Her hand was brushing his shoulder. Turns out Y/N’s friends were kind, funny, and easy to be around. There was Victoria, the blonde, who was a ‘blogger’ whatever the hell that meant; then there was Bria the one with pink hair who was an artist, and there was Cori, who was a lawyer like Y/N. He was surprised that the group of them had a genuine friendship not like the jealousy and scheming that defined Hannah’s and Jessa’s friendships.

Honestly, after meeting her friends, Adam was more puzzled by her friendship with Jessa. She seemed to have real friendships so why was she holding onto what she thought was friendship with Jessa? Why couldn’t she see that Jessa would fuck her over the first chance she gets, and not even feel bad about it? Maybe Y/N was just too kind-hearted to see the bad in other people, he hoped Jessa doesn’t screw her over. When he zones back into the conversation, his face goes red when Cori asks, “So how long have you guys been fucking?” Y/N chokes on her drink. Victoria slaps Cori on the arm and scolds her, “That’s none of our business.”

“We’re not fucking, we’re friends.” Y/N finally answers and shoots dagger at her friend for asking. Cori is unbothered by her hollow threats as she chuckles and mutters under her breath, “Still going with that story then…”

The group says their goodbyes and go their separate ways. He and Y/N are going back to his place, she’s offered to help him run his lines for an upcoming audition. Though he wonders if he’ll be able to concentrate with Y/N wearing that thin sundress that she was strutting around in. Adam curses the weather, it should be starting to cool down into fall weather, and instead they’re in the middle of another heat wave. Another heat wave means Y/N wearing less clothing, which normally he wouldn’t complain about, he certainly enjoyed the view, but it was difficult to concentrate when his dick was hard.

“Run them again,” Y/N says standing up, rolling her neck, and then she walks towards the window. The sun hits her body just right and Adam can see through her dress, and he can feel himself drooling. Her body looks just as perfect as he’s imagined it would, if only he could remove the obstruction of that dress. He can also feel his dick hardening with interest. He makes himself look away and thinks of puppies dying, or any other depressing thought. Y/N walks over to him, shakes the script in front his face saying, “Hello? Did you hear me at all? Run them again, Ads.”

‘Ads’ is the nickname she’d bestowed upon him and he was growing to like it. He calls her ‘tiger’ but sometimes he slips and calls her ‘kid,’ he can’t help it. He responds with a sigh then goes into character, reading his lines. She smiles at him and he grins back.

*************

It had now been two and a half weeks since Adam had showed up on your doorstep saying that he and Jessa broke up. You had spent every day together since, you were adamant about keeping it just friends but it was clear that Adam had other feelings. Adam wanted the two of you to be together, and you were falling for him, feeling those butterflies in your stomach, but he was your friend’s ex. It wasn’t that long ago that he was her boyfriend.

There had been hand touching, hugs, and other gentle (borderline) displays of affections. That alone had been more than enough to make you burn. He called and told you had got the role, you insisted on celebrating. Adam didn’t want to go out, so you settled on a night in. You made dinner, or more accurately, you attempted to make dinner in your crockpot, and you baked some cookies, for yourself. Maybe you could convince Adam to try them too.

Then, you hear a buzz at the door, Bagel barks and you go to let Adam in. Bagel jumps on him as soon as he’s through the door, demanding attention. Adam scratches his belly then walks towards you. You offer him a hug, telling him, “Congrats! I’m so proud of you, I know you’ll be amazing!”

Your arms wrap around his waist and his body engulfs yours. You love how his body always feels warm against yours and how his arms feel like an impenetrable wall around you. His hands grip your waist and yours move up around his neck. Your head rests on his chest and his on your shoulder. Neither of you move, you’re each enjoying the intimacy. Then, Bagel comes up and tries to get in between the two of you, he’s clearly jealous, though you’re too sure which one of you he’s jealous over.

The two of you slowly part as you drop your arms awkwardly to your sides, then your timer goes off. Right on cue. You rush into the kitchen and cautiously pull the cookie tray out of the oven. Adam follows you and starts examining the cookies, he refrains from grabbing one but asks, “What kind are those?”

“They’re butterscotch pecan cookies. And over there is the main course: beef roast and veggies.” You tell him and he walks over to examine the main meal in the crockpot. He then smirks, lifts the lid, inhales dramatically, and says, “Oh you’re spoiling me.”

You can’t help but chuckle at his reaction. Then, he looks around like he’s noticed something different, and plays with the kitchen light switch before asking, “Why is your light not working?”

“Because the light bulb burned out and I can’t reach the light fixture to switch it out. My ladder is too short. I need to get a taller one.” You admit and now you feel embarrassed because you should have fixed it long ago, or asked for help. But you had adjusted to having dim light in the kitchen.

“Damn…tiger you should have told me. Where’s your ladder?” He asks and you motion towards the utility closet. Before you know it, Adam is walking back into the kitchen with the step ladder and is asking for more tools: a screwdriver, and a light bulb. You recover them and play assistant. Then, you have real light in your kitchen again, you thank him. He just responds with, “That’s what I’m around for. Why didn’t you tell me when it happened? I could have fixed it earlier.”

“I mean it’s not your job to do that stuff for me.” You finally answer and you notice that he’s down away from the ladder and close to you. The smell of his cologne hits you, and you’re feeling overwhelmed. When he’s around you feel like a horny, socially awkward teenager who’s around their crush, it’s the Adam Sackler curse. He then goes for a plate and hands you one. Then, the bastard winks at you saying, “Ladies first.”

******

The two of you settled on the couch after dinner to watch a movie, and you can’t help but be reminded of the last time you were in this situation with Adam. You weren’t about to allow a repeat event to happen, no matter how much you wanted it to happen. You’re starting to get sleepy and you look at the clock. You’re shocked to see that it’s 1 am. When you gaze over at Adam, it’s obvious he’s tired too because his eyes are drooping and he’s being very quiet.

Standing and stretching, you tell him, “Ads, it’s 1 am. I’m going to bed.” He looks at you and groans in response. Then, he asks, “Can I crash here, I don’t feel like walking home.”

“Uh sure.” You say and you go to go about your nightly routine. After showering, skin care and brushing your teeth, you creep out to check on Adam. Last time he slept over, he curled in a ball and slept peacefully on the couch, you expected to see the same sight. Nope. Now, his long limbs were hanging over the couch, and he was turning his body in strange shapes trying to get comfortable. It looked pathetic and you’d have to be cruel-hearted to leave him like that.

“Adam, you’re too big for the couch. You can sleep with me. Just sleep.” He snaps his head in your direction, and nods in agreement. Underneath his agreement, you can tell he’s enjoying the fact you told him he can sleep with you, maybe a little too much. He’s even hiding a sly smile. There was a damn good chance you’d regret this decision within minutes, but you were sleepy and horny so your brain wasn’t functioning at a high level. Somewhere along the way, Adam has stripped his clothes and is now in his briefs. You roll your eyes and decide that as long as they stay on, you can deal with it.

After turning down your bed and laying in your normal position, Adam sneaks in behind you, bringing the covers up over you both. He pauses for a moment, contemplating which position he should sleep. Then, he asks, “Can I spoon you? I won’t be weird about it but it helps me sleep.”

“Okay just don’t get handsy.” You reply. He scoots closer to you, you can feel his breath on the back of your neck. Then you feel his arm snake around your waist and his legs move in behind yours. You can feel the steady pace of his breathing and the warmth of his skin on your back.

“G’night, Y/N,” you hear him exhale. You whisper, “Good night, Adam.” 

You were hoping you’d fall asleep fast but deep sleep never hit you. Maybe it was the human heater wrapping himself around you, or maybe it was because you were horny. Your sex life had been going through a dry spell lately, you hadn’t time to pleasure yourself lately either and now you were stuck in a bed with a man that you were very sexually attracted to. You were going to combust.

You snake your hands down into your panties, thankfully you were a nightshirt instead of pajama shorts. Your fingers dip into your folds and tease your clit when you feel Adam move behind you. Damn, there goes that plan. You lay still and hope he goes back to sleep, then you can feel his arm moving too. His breath is getting more and more ragged.

Finally, you turn your head to peak at him, and you were not prepared for the sight. He was jerking his cock in your bed, with you less than a foot away. Your eyes trail up and down the length of his dick. Impressive, it’s long and thick, like you’ve always imagined. Suddenly, he notices you staring at him. You see his emotions go from embarrassment to satisfaction within seconds. He finally informs you, “I can’t sleep unless I cum. Do you like what you see?”

You nod your head vigorously and become hyper aware of the fact that your hand is still in your panties. You start to rock your hips against your hand to gain some friction on your throbbing clit. You hope the way your body is angled that it will prevent Adam from seeing it, or noticing your movements. You have no luck.

“Fuck you’re jerking it too.” He says and now he’s watching you. You decide to give him a show, you pull down your top so he can see your tits and you move so you’re now sitting facing him. You spread your legs and rub circles on your clit. Adam’s eyes are blown black with lust and his face looks wild while his hand strokes his cock from base to tip even faster. When you look back at up at his face, you notice that he’s not looking at you.

“What the fuck? Look at me! You’re playing with your cock in my bed and I’m showing you my body!” His eyes go to you and they stay locked on you. He finally says, “Sorry I didn’t think I was allowed to look.”

“You better be thinking of me while you’re jerking your cock.” You tell him as you dip your fingers into your heat then go back up to rub your clit. He says, “Fuck, I think of you every time I touch my cock. I think of your mouth, your tits, your tight, perfect cunt.”

His dirty talk is really getting you off so you move your hand faster and increase the pressure. The sounds of slapping flesh fill the room. You tell him, “Do you think of me sucking you off, or about how your cock will split my pussy?”

“Fuck, both! You’d probably like both you dirty whore.” He spews back. You keep going, you can feel yourself getting closer and closer as a tingle starts to grow. You keep the filthy talk going, “You probably want to cum on my tits, you filthy boy.”

“Damn right I do. I want my cum all over your fucking body, paint you with it.” As your orgasm looms, you pull back, you don’t want to cum before he does, you’re enjoying this too much. Adam’s voice jars you when he asks, “Are you gonna cum?”

“Don’t you want to cum first?” you ask. He shakes his head and he slows his hand before saying, “Want to see you cum first.” You then rub long, big circles all around your clit, you’re so wet you can feel it dripping down out of your pussy. You moan as you cum, your back arches and your legs quiver. You’re sure from the way you’re sitting that Adam can see your pussy pulsing.

Adam cums moments later, cum going all over his chest, and he lets out a low moan. That low moan is a sound you want to hear from him again, you wish it was you that elicited that noise from him. You both lay there, totally spent and neither of you want to look away. It feels more intimate than most sex that you’ve had. This is true intimacy.

You finally chuckle, “So do you do this with all of your friends?”

“Ha! Just the ones I really like.” He replies with a big goofy smile on his face. You pull the top of your shirt back over your chest. You realize that he’s still watching you, you answer back with, “Does this mean I’m your best friend?”

“No you’re more of a temporary friend,” he says in a serious tone as he looks up at the ceiling. What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean, you think to yourself. You then ask for an explanation, “Temporary friend?”

“It means you’re my friend for now…until you stop fighting your desire and stop punishing us both.” He says, his eyes feel like they’re burrowing into your soul. You force your eyes from him. You get out of bed saying, “You know what? I’m not having this conversation when you’re in my bed with your dick out.”

“I think it’s the best time to have it.” You hear him say as you go into your bathroom. You get out a hand towel, wet it in the sink and then go back to your bed. Adam’s watching you curiously, and is about to ask what you’re doing when you start cleaning up the mess he’s made on himself. His hand brushes yours with a light touch and you give him a close-lipped smile. He then thanks you.

You put the towel in the clothes hamper and when you return to bed, you’re sitting to face Adam. He looks at you like he’s unsure what to do next, as if he’s debating something in his head. You place a hand on his cheek, then lean into kiss him. At first, it’s chaste, tentative, just lips. He’s holding back, giving you the retreat option. Then, his hand goes to the back of your neck, his fingers tangling in the hair there, it’s enough to make you gasp. The moment you gasp his tongue in your mouth wrestling against yours, savoring your taste.

Your phone rings and you shout in frustration. Adam huffs in response and his lips go to your neck. When you grab your phone, it shows up as an unknown caller. Adam mumbles on the pulse point in your throat, “Please don’t answer that.”

You turn, throw the phone on the end table and pull his mouth to yours again. You’re now straddling his waist, his mouth on yours, your body pressed against his and you can feel his cock hardening against your mound. His mouth goes back down to your neck, licking, kissing, and leaving marks as his large hands finds your tits. He squeezes them, before tugging on your nipples, which gets a content sigh from you. Then he’s pulling your night shirt off and after a moment of staring again, his mouth dives into the space in between your breasts. He murmurs, “Perfect fucking tits. I always knew it, better than I pictured.”

“Did you picture them a lot?” You say as his mouth attaches to your nipple, tongue swirling around your nipple, then releasing it to watch it pebble. Before giving your other breast the same treatment he answers your question, “I pictured it every time I saw you, and every time I jacked off after.”

Suddenly, he’s flipped you over so he’s on top of you, his face lingering above yours, his hand is pinning yours. You spread your legs wider and now he’s grinding his cock against you, it’s hitting your clit and you’re still over-stimulated from your orgasm. You reach down, pull down his briefs, and start stroking his cock. It feels like hot velvet in your hands, you trace your fingers along the vein, and rub your thumb on his tip, spreading the precum that’s dripping. He groans at your touch, then he’s shuffling to pull your panties off of you. After he’s thrown them somewhere on your floor. You tell him, “I want you inside me, now.”

He asks, “Do I need a condom?”

You answer with a question, “You don’t need one, but I’d prefer you wear one. There should be one in the top drawer.” He opens the drawer and pulls one out. You can tell he wants to ask you about it but he keeps his mouth closed. He opens it and puts it on.

“You want my cock?” He asks as he lines up at your entrance. You pull your legs up so your knees are nearly at your chest. You nod in response, and he enters you in one quick thrust. Fuck it’s a good burn, you feel filled to the brim. He gives you a moment to adjust before he picks up the pace, settling into a rhythm. He says, “You like my cock?”

“Yeah I like your cock. Do you like my cunt?” you ask and he pounds into you harder, when he drags out, he hits your g-spot. He answers, “Fuck yes. Every time I fucked Jessa I pretended it was your cunt I was fucking.”

He snaps his hips again, and he hits your g-spot again. You wrap your arms around his neck and keep your legs pulled up. The bed is rocking, the headboard bouncing off the wall. He tells you, “I like seeing your tits bounce.”

He looks down and admires them. You tell him, “keep fucking me like this, I’m close.” He follows your instructions, keeping the pace the same and his hips in the same position. Your right hand moves from around his neck to stroke your clit. It doesn’t take long for you to cum between your earlier orgasm and the g-spot action. You’re almost embarrassed by how desperate and pornstar worthy your moan sounds like, your body jolts, and you swear you can see stars. Or you totally black out. Either way, it was an out of body experience. Adam’s voice brings you back to reality, “Your cunt is squeezing my cock. Fuck you’re tight.”

“Get on your hands and knees,” he commands, pulling out of you, and you follow his instructions this time. You’re still out of it from your orgasm, you feel his hand grip your hip before his cock enters you again. Then he’s leaning over you, you can feel his chest on your back, his arm around yours, and every snap of his hips hits you strongly from this position. His rhythm gets sloppier, you can hear his breath accelerate. You clench your pussy around his cock then release it a few times. He cums with a grunt, his hips thrust a few more times as he rides out his orgasm.

Then, he collapses beside you and you lay facing him. Adam takes the condom off and throws it in the garbage can near your bed. He leans in over you and gives you a searing kiss before pulling away and placing a kiss on your forehead. You tell him, “In case no one has told you- you deserve to be happy and to be loved.”

“And in case no one has ever told you- so do you.” He says as he pulls you close and you can’t fight sleep anymore. You sleep peacefully with his arms around you.

****

When you wake up in the morning, you’re sweaty and Adam has a death grip on you. His arms are wrapped around your waist, and his leg is draped over yours. You manage to get out of bed without disturbing him. Bagel is still asleep on the couch, and you go to start your Keurig. Your phone starts ringing and it’s that unknown caller who called last night. You reluctantly answer in case it’s some kind of emergency, “Hello.”

“It’s Jessa.”


	6. Chapter 6

“It’s Jessa,” you hear the distinct voice with the British accent say on the other side of the line. She has some kind of timing. She’s conveniently called you right after you slept with her now ex-boyfriend. Until now, you hadn’t felt guilty about it, it had felt right. The guilt sinks in as you respond to her, “Hi, what’s up?”

Your voice sounds guilty even to you. She doesn’t comment on that, instead she states, “I need a favor.”

“Okay.” You wait for the other shoe to drop. She says, “Can you send me some money? Not a lot, but around $200. I’m helping Hannah with rent since I’m staying here.”

That was not what you were expecting but you decide to agree. But you also know how addicts are so you put a condition on it. You respond with, “Okay but that better for rent and not for something else.”

“It is and can you forward me some mail? It should came into Adam’s address,” Jessa asks and you would like to hang up the phone and crawl under the table. Of course she would ask about Adam, and she had lived with him for some time. You put on your best ‘normal’ voice and answer, “Yeah of course.”

The line goes quiet for a moment, neither of you knowing what to say. You debate being honest with her, then you talk yourself out of that. She breaks the silence with, “If you guys are fucking I understand.”

“We’re not,” you answer, obviously lying.

“Uh huh, I know you’re lying. It’s really okay, just tell me,” Jessa says and you decide to roll with it, be partially truthful. You chose to downplay it, lie about the nature of your relationship with Adam, “Yeah, It’s just fucking. We’re just fucking, that’s all. It’s not some emotional thing.”

Jessa sighs and you can practically hear her roll her eyes. She just states, “Alright. I’ll talk to you later. You should really come upstate sometime, I think you’d like it here.”

“Bye,” You answer and hang up the phone. You rub your temples with frustration before muttering under your breath, “Fuck.”

“So you’re just using me for my dick? ‘It’s just fucking, that’s all, not something emotional.’ You fucking used me!” Adam shouts as he comes roaring out of your bedroom into the kitchen. He’s clearly pissed and he had overheard the conversation with Jessa. Apparently you were making bad decision after bad decision because you have no idea why you answer the way you do.

“Adam what was I supposed to tell Jessa? And last night was very hormone driven.” Adam looks at you before you answering, calmly this time, “Thank you for finally telling me how you really feel.”

Then, he leaves and slams the door with him. You almost run after him, but then you don’t.

***

Immediately after Adam leaves, you call your friends. You need advice even though you already know what they’re going to say. You all agree to meet up for coffee, and the group of you settle into a table in the back of shop to give you some privacy. You begin by saying, “I fucked up.”

“You need to be more specifc,” Victoria chuckles. You go through the whole story, with every detail. Cori is definitely judging you, and gives you the simple advice, “Why don’t you just go find him, and tell him how you really feel?”

“Because I’m friends with Jessa and I am not going to be with her ex-boyfriend. That’s not who I am.” You take a sip of your coffee, and you swear you can feel yourself shaking. Cori gives you a stern look before she says, “That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“So what, you think I should break girl code and hook up with a friend’s ex?” you ask. It’s not Cori who answers, it’s Bria who had been quiet until now. She says, “Look, you’re not friends with her like you’re friends with us. You’re just sober buddies and quite frankly, I think she comes around when she needs something, that’s not friendship.”

“If you guys are correct, how do I un-fuck this situation up?” You sigh and rest your face on your hands. Victoria says, “You could tell Adam that you’re in love with him and if Jessa needs to know, she’ll have to get over it.”

“You make it sound so easy,” you say and you hear a familiar voice near the front of the shop. Your eyes instinctively look in that direction, and sure enough, it’s Adam. Adam’s standing at the front counter talking to the manager. You then have the strange sensation of feeling body both go cold and incredibly hot at the same time.

“There’s no time like the present,” Cori states and gives you wink, motioning you to go forward. And you do.

****

The past twelve hours had gone from mind-blowing to heart-breaking for Adam. He and Y/N had hooked up, had great sex, and then the bubble was burst in the morning when he heard her talking on the phone. He had thought that last night was a breakthrough, that it had meant that she shared his feelings and was tired of denying them. Now, he was wandering his way back to his apartment, but he didn’t want to go back and be alone. With the current situation, he no longer had a friend to vent to. Then, he remembered that he might actually have a friend.

Adam walks into the coffee shop, and is pleasantly surprised to find Ray at the front counter. That was easy, he thought to himself. Ray apparently as happy to see him because he immediately frowns. Adam gives him an awkward wave and before he can get a word out, Ray is speaking,

“Well, well, well. Look who it is. Are you hear to degrade me again?” Yeah, he’s definitely still pissed. Adam answers and tries his best to apologize, to mend things. He’s embarrassed when he thinks of how he acted when he was with Jessa.

“No, I know this doesn’t mean shit, but I’m sorry for that. I was in a bad place,” Adam says and Ray rolls his eyes then he lets out a sigh. He thinks this might be a good sign. Ray quips back with, “Or were you just with a bad person.”

Adam agrees, “Fucking both.”

“What about you, you still with Jessa?” Ray asks, and Adam chuckles. He changes his position and shifts his weight from one foot to another.

“Fuck no. We broke up, she’s upstate now.” Adam then leans against the counter. Ray starts asking questions about why Jessa is upstate, and if he would ever consider getting back with her or Hannah. That segues into Y/N and their present situation. Adam ends up venting all of his feelings and frustrations out to Ray. Ray for his part, just listens and nods, occasionally commenting.

“Damn…maybe she just needs time to figure stuff out,” Ray finally says and leans over the counter too. Adam takes a drink of the coffee he’s ordered, then he admits, “I’m trying to let her do that but fuck, it’s hard.”

“You know she’ll eventually realize that Jessa’s a total shit person, like Hannah and the rest of that crew.” Ray says as he gets back to work. Adam agrees, it is the part he’s dreading for Y/N. Jessa will fuck her over in some way and Y/N will be hurt. As his eyes scan the room, his gaze settles on one table in the back, it looks like one of Y/N’s friends is there. He should leave and avoid any weird encounters. Then he sees that Y/N is with them, and his heart both simultaneously stops and starts pounding harder. He can’t look away, but he can feel his skin getting hot and his palms get sweaty.

“Shit, shit, shit.” Adam finally mutters. Ray starts paying attention to him again, and asks, “What?”

“She’s here now,” Adam says through his teeth, purposefully whispering. He takes a step to the side and grabs at his hair nervously. Meanwhile, Ray is amused at his torture and follows up with, “Really, where?”

“Back there, don’t fucking look,” Adam answers through his teeth again and nods his head in Y/N’s direction while trying to be obvious. He’s trying to give her space and not be shot down twice in the same twenty-four hours.

“Sorry didn’t fucking hear you,” Ray says grinning, he’s trying to make things worse for him. Ray starts looking around the place in an exaggerated manner. Adam finally gives in, “She’s back there…you asshole!”

Now, she’s getting out of the booth. Oh no, he’s needs to get the fuck out of here now. She’s walking towards him, looking right at him, heading right in his direction. Well, he can’t leave now. He anxiously says, “Hey.” 

“Hi.” Y/N answers back and stands there nervously. The two just stare at each other awkwardly for some time. She finally asks, “Can we talk?”

Adam nods his head and they settle into a table near the window near the busy street. He notices that she’s fiddling with her hands, one of her nervous habits he’s learned. He’s nervous too, he feels like his whole body is a live wire.

“I’m sorry about what I said, I didn’t mean that,” she says and tentatively reaches out to brush his hand. He gives in to her touch, turning his hand over so his palm is touching her fingertips. He lets out a frustrated sigh.

“Why are you still holding back?” He wants a real answer this time. Is it her sense of loyalty holding her back? Or is it that she doesn’t feel for him with the same intensity that he feels for her?

“I don’t know, I just need time.” She croaks out, her voice breaking like she is going to cry. He laces his fingers through hers and uses his other hand to cup her cheek to comfort her.

“Fine. I’ll give you time.” He says but he doesn’t want to, and doesn’t know how he will manage. She’s feeling more confident now because she has no problem moving on to the next topic. 

“So I know we talked about it already but I really don’t understand **.** What’s your deal with Jessa? And Hannah?” She asks and with the look in her eyes, he wants to confess everything and beg her to fix him. Instead, he settles for answering her question.

“I used Jessa to escape Hannah then I used Hannah to escape Jessa.” Adam says and looks down to their intertwined hands. She gives his hand a tight squeeze before moving on to the next question. He wants to scream or run away but more than anything he wants her.

“How do I fit into this? Or do I?”

“You do but you’re something else. It feels right when I’m with you, you make me happy.” Adam answers, not able to hide the smile that forms on his face at the end of his statement. Y/N’s face lights up and she’s moved by his answer. Then her face suddenly turns into a frown, “Why did you stay with Jessa for so long if you felt that way for me? Would you have really broken up with her for me?”

“Fuck yes. In case you forgot, I wanted to that night we kissed and I only didn’t because I didn’t want to hurt you. I would have sooner if I knew there was ever a real shot that you felt something for me. I never thought I stood a damn chance.” He feels aggravated just admitting that again.

She gives him a weak smile and tells him, “You stood a chance. You still do.”

***

It had been a day since you’re failed night with Adam and since you saw him at the café. You didn’t mean what you said to Jessa but you didn’t know how to handle this situation. If given an option to make things worse, you always did without fail.

It was time to make amends, you were now going to bring Adam lunch. He had just started rehearsals and you knew he got nervous around those things. You hope you can spend some time with him and work on fixing things between you.

As you approach the theater where rehearsals are held, you see Adam walk out with some attractive brunette. He’s smiling, she’s smiling back and they go on their way. You’re so shocked all you can do is watch them. You know you have zero right to feel hurt and jealous but you still do. You watch them walk away then you throw the food in the trash and leave. You’ve got to do something because you feel physically distressed about it.

****

You’re in your apartment now, waiting for Adam to come over. You need to talk to him about what you saw today and how you feel. It’s eating you alive. You would just go over to his place but you’ve got to take care of Bagel. While you’re thinking of what speech you’re going to give Adam and trying to think of some kind of starter to the conversation, there’s a knock at the door. That must be him. You walk towards the door.

Adam comes trouncing in like nothing’s going on. He makes himself comfortable on your couch, before settling his eyes on you. He finally asks, “Are you alright? You look jumpy.”

So you just ask him point blank, “Do you have a ‘thing’ with that girl?”

His face looks confused, as if he genuinely doesn’t know what you’re talking about. He asks for clarification, “What girl?”

“The girl you were with today at lunch,” you say and watch his face to see how he reacts now that he know that you know. You know you’re being ridiculous questioning him but what if he’s moved on? You still haven’t sat down next to him on the couch, you’re standing in front of him. If it wasn’t for the size difference, it would seem that you’re interrogating him.

“Mariah? No we’re just friends, where’d you see us?” Adam answers and he appears to be telling the truth, no signs of deception. A part of you is relieved, then you start wondering what kind of friends they were. And you remember that he asked you a question.

“I was going to stop by and see you at rehearsal, then I saw you. Just friends or friends that fuck?” You ask and you finally sit next to him, but you’re only half-sitting, ready to pounce. His eyes are more amber now than the soft brown or honey that you’ve grown used to. He angles his body towards you and makes direct eye contact as he says, “Just friends. She’s in the play too.”

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” you admit while your eyes are locked on his. Then his face drops into a disappointed expression, then turns to frustration.

“Well thanks for fucking rubbing that in my face.”

“How do I know I’m not your third choice?” You stand up again and step in front of him. Adam exhales a breath he’s been holding in. Then, he reaches for your hand before answering.

“Because I only want you. I needed closure with Hannah, and Jessa was a consolation prize, but the way I feel about you I’ve never felt before. Even if you don’t feel the same I’d wait because I can’t imagine being with someone other than you.”

“Shut up and kiss me,” You say, and you tug on his hand, pulling him to stand. Once standing, Adam wraps his arms around your waist and crashing his lips onto yours. You kiss him back, sweeping your tongue along his lip, wanting to deepen it. He grants your tongue entrance, and your tongue grazes his, you want to taste every part of him. His hand moves up your waist to grip your neck, and you moan into his mouth involuntary.

He pulls himself away, and after taking a breath, he says, “Just to be clear, what does this mean? Because if it’s just fucking to you, I can’t do that, not with you.”

You put both of your hands on the sides of his face and say exasperatedly, “I mean I’m in love with you and don’t want to hide it anymore!”

Then he is on you like a man starved and you’re a full course meal. His passion is astonishing you, but it doesn’t take long until you’re put his hands on your tits, and you’re grinding into him. He lifts you and you wind your legs around his torso as he walks to your bedroom. You attack him with kisses on his neck, collarbones, face, and his ears. His large hand kneads your ass, then he sets you down on the bed.

In no time, you’re stripping off your shirt, your bra, and work to get your jeans off. Adam does the same, it’s a frenzy of clothes being thrown throughout the room. Once you’re both sufficiently naked, he climbs on top of you, kissing down your neck. He trails tongue behind your ear, then he nibbles on pulse point, making you squirm under him.

He places kisses on your collarbones then the top of each of your breasts. Then, he’s twirling his tongue on one of your nipples while squeezing your other breast. He sucks on your nipple earning a moan from you, before releasing with a “pop.” The other side gets the same treatment as his hand sneaks down into your panties, rubbing your clit in circles before his middle finger dips into your folds.

“Fuck, baby, that feels so good,” you say breathily. Adam watches your every reaction as he picks up the pace on your clit. He informs, “I watched how you touched yourself, how you got off.”

You buck your hips against his hand. His eyes are growing black with lust, and he says, “Do you like my fingers better than yours?”

“Yes,” you manage to get out, you were close, at the edge. Then, he relents and pulls his hand from you. He puts his fingers in his mouth and licks them clean. You can’t look away from him, how did you end up with this man in your bed?

He starts pulling your panties down your legs and positions himself with his head in between your thighs. He’s watching your pussy, looking mesmerized. Normally, you’d feel self-conscious but this was Adam and his face was proof you had nothing to be conscious over. He kisses the insides of your thigh, making you wetter than you already were.

“Fuck, look at this beautiful cunt. It’s just like I thought it would be.” He drags a finger along your folds and you moan at the contact. He makes direct eye contact as he tells you, “I can’t wait to taste you.”

You nod your consent as he licks a stripe up a cunt before rolling your labia with his lips. His tongue massages your clit, then traces it along. Your hands fly to his hair and they find purchase, when you tug on his hair, he moans into you. He gets back to work flicking your clit at a rhythm that has climbing, then he thrusts a finger into you. You groan and he adds another, scissoring you to stretch you before doing a come-hither motion. And his fingers hit your g-spot, while his mouth sucks on your clit.

Your orgasm hits you quickly and hard. Your toes are curling, and you arch your back so high, you almost levitate. Adam’s hand grip your hips keeping you down against him. That orgasm was so powerful you were disoriented for a few moments. When you come to, Adam’s still between your legs, licking you clean, and he looks delightfully wrecked.

You pull him up and you push him back down on the bed. Now you’re straddling him, you put your hands around his neck and kiss him deeply, tasting yourself on his tongue. Your hand then dances down between the two of you to palm him through his briefs, he’s rock hard already. You say, “Your turn.”

Adam gives you a lop-sided smile and you swoop down to kiss his neck, licking his nipples. Then you swirl his nipple with your tongue, and his hips buck into you. You place kisses down his torso, paying attention to his happy trail as you hover above his clothed cock.

Tugging down his briefs, you admire his now freed cock. A dick was dick, but damn if his dick wasn’t pretty. Long and thick. You lick up from base to tip, then playfully lick at his tip. You place open-mouth kisses along his shaft and he moans. You bob on his tip, and lightly suck before taking more and more of him in your mouth. The head hits the back of your throat and you swallow around him, and he says, “Fuck, you look so pretty with my cock in your mouth.”

You continue deep throating him, with his hands gripping your hair until he pulls you off. A trail of saliva hangs out of your mouth and onto his cock. He uses the hand in your hair to lift you up to crush your lips together. His tongue is in your mouth, and you melt into him.

When you break apart to take a breath, he asks, “Do I need a condom.”

You say, “No, I’m on the pill. I want you to cum inside me.” He nods and kisses you even deeper. You line his cock up with your slit and you sink onto him. He fills you so good. After adjusting, you start rocking your hips on him as you steady yourself with your hands on his chest. Then you grind down on him, and his pubic bones is brushing your clit. His hands stay fixed on your hips before traveling up to squeeze your tit.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” He says and you keep rocking as he then tells you, “I like seeing your tits bounce.”

You rock at a faster pace and bounce on his cock. This continues for some time then he shifts so he’s sitting up and that angle is perfect. His hand goes to the place in between your shoulders and his mouth goes to your chest. You keep moving your hips and the pressure on your clit is perfect. You rock your hips in a slightly different manner and it makes his cock brush your g-spot, so you keep moving like that. Adam asks, “You like that? You like my cock?”

“I like it, I really like your cock,” you say as you get closer and closer to another orgasm. He sits up even further and maneuvers you so you’re flush against him. He thrust ups into you and you’re glad because your legs are turning to jelly with every movement. The pressure on clit builds and you’re a moaning mess, you’re lucky Adam’s doing all the work.

“Cum all over my cock,” Adam encourages and you feel your body tense as pleasure overwhelms you. Adam keeps the pace through your orgasm and once you’ve recovered, his thrusts get quicker. You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him as he drills into you. He buries his head in your chest, then in your neck as his pace gets sloppy.

“Want me to cum inside your cunt? To fill you up?” He asks and he looks wild. You encourage him, shaking your hips above him, and say, “Yes, fill up my cunt with your cum.”

He thrusts once more then you can feel his cock twitch. He spills into you, his arms holding you close, and you can’t resist kissing him. The kiss is searing and tender.

The two of you then fall back unto the bed, not moving out of each other’s arms. You wonder why you fought this for so long, it felt right. You felt happy. When you look up at him, you ask, “Is sex supposed to be like this? I don’t remember it being like this.”

“That was damn good sex. Damn you’ve ruined me, kid.” He says and tucks you under his chin, and you rest your head on his chest, listening to his heart beat. Suddenly, he laughs and says, “I won’t be able to ever fuck another pussy again.”

You laugh and reach up to place a soft kiss on his lips. He looks at you with such devotion in his eyes, you’re nearly moved to tears. Adam clears his throat, then tells you, “I’m in love with you too, you know.”

You smile and nod, kissing him again, running your finger along his dimple. His mood changes as he rolls over so he’s hovering over you again. He kisses your neck, then playfully bites you.

“Do you want me to stay the night, make you breakfast, take you out on dates?” Adam asks in a sing-songy way that makes you laugh. You nod and say, “Yes.”

He continues on, kissing your collarbone before pulling at the skin with his teeth. His hair falls over his eyes as he tilts head up to ask, “Do you want me to hold your hand? To be your boyfriend?”

“Fuck yes, I want you in every way.” You answer and within the fraction of a second he’s kissing you on your lips again. You could get used to this you think to yourself as you hold him even closer.


End file.
